Slippage Becomes Cold, Hard Reality.

I noticed something that bothered me. I was re-evaluating my life. Over the past year I had chose a career path, started college, and continued to work my job. I was finally starting to embark on adult life...or so I thought. Everything looked right on the outside. But soon my decisions about life became shaky, my life began to fall apart, and my resolve unraveled. Then, on top of that I noticed...

I don't have any answers.

Younger friends ask for advice on how to make decisions about their future, adults and peers ask me what I plan to do with mine...but I've got nothing. I usually give some sort of vague, hazy answer just to avoid complete silence...and to free myself from the stupid look I can feel taking up residence on my face.
I can pretend that I am surprised. I could come up with thousands of lame excuses and dramatic sob stories to explain why I don't seem to have learned or gained anything from the past six months of my life. But why waste your time?

I slipped. It's as simple as that.

Not having any answers is annoying, but the unbearable lack of peace that inevitably comes with slipping is far worse.
First, you may be wondering exactly what I mean by the word "slipping".
Well, Webster's got a few definitions he wants to interject before I tell you what it means specifically to me.

"Slip- To fall or lose one's balance.
... to become less active or strong."

And yes, I am talking physically, emotionally, and in particular; spiritually. Declining as a follower of Jesus. Becoming less and less like Him and more and more like some crazy monster you've never seen before...or wait, maybe that's just what happens when I uncork myself.
Slipping is the act of becoming a shadow of one's self. Becoming less than what you were. Which, for people like me; who weren't super-Christians before, is not the best diagnosis. What may be surprising is that slippage isn't sly. It won't hide from you, or disguise itself; it doesn't even sneak up on you... unless you're not paying attention.
In fact, that is one of the things that makes slippage so awful; it's SO obvious. No, maybe not at first; not to you. But everyone else can see it. It's as plain as the banana peal I've been skiing around on.

Slippage stinks. It's dirty, grimy, and filthy. It's been a faithful, repulsive companion of mine for the last year. I always knew I was slipping; but I never knew how to go about stopping it once and for all. I would discover one thing that may have caused it, or another mistake that didn't help. But I never could see the whole picture. The full extent of what was actually going on.
Not too long ago I found one more piece of the problem. I actually had found this one before..but then I lost it again. But that's what slippage is all about right?

Losing things.

The epiphany I had came from a lesson on the parable of the sower. I had read the story tons of times but this time we read it differently. Instead of looking at the seed as the gospel and the ground as the lost; we thought of the seed as God's Word and the ground as OUR hearts.
My heart.
I could go through the story. What I've done wrong, what I should have done but didn't...and on and on. But the epiphanies start before this parable. Let me tell you the whole story...but bear with me it may take a couple posts...