What if I am Empty?

So, a few weeks ago I was sitting in church and scribbled down a post on notepaper. We were talking about Moses and his character. Moses had problems; gee all those Israelites (which bear a striking resemblance to myself, by the way.) would have caused anyone problems. And I'm sure it felt overwhelming at times. But Moses rarely let his circumstances get the better of him. . .unlike the Israelites. . .unlike me.
Moses knew who he was, and what he was for. He knew he was God's man and that his life was for His glory. It sounds so simple. We know that too, we are God's and created for His glory. What made Moses different was that he actually lived by that simple, defining truth.
I, on the other hand, had completely lost sight of who I was and what I was for. Needless to say, I wasn't loving Moses at the moment. He was the picture of everything I was not and it was making me uncomfortable. Then the pastor asked a simple question;

"Who are you going to live for?"

Well, that was it. I wasn't listening anymore. Instead I began scribbling out my un-Moses like attributes on notepaper. This was my response to that question:

"This comes at an interesting point in my life. Right now I'm on the cusp of a bunch of things. I'm feeling insecure and alone. But at the same time, I know it's not my life: it's me. I am emotionally empty right now. Not necessarily because of occurrences in my life, though my response to my circumstances can't be helping. My problem is that I have become disconnected from my Creator. I'm flat out not getting the acceptance and love I am searching for because I have not taken the time to realize that God has never stopped giving it to me.
I've realized that ministering and giving is what's missing from my sadly, selfish life.
But I can't forget that; unless I am connected with God, and allowing Him to fill all my spiritual and emotional needs, I have nothing to give. Picking myself up emotionally from hurt, confusion, pain, or doubt, is not a pitiful thing. Many times when I attempt to pick myself up and move on I see myself as a victim of misfortune and get hopelessly involved in self-pity. But it is not pitiful. It is not even a resilient thing to do. Many times I am actually picking myself up from a disgusting, hopeless situation I put myself into by my own sin and arrogance. Picking myself up is not brave, or valiant. Because I MUST pick myself up to LIVE. There really isn't an option B. It's my responsibility.
Essentially it's my fault that I am where I am. I can't blame the people who I feel have left me or let me down. It was never their responsibility to take care of me. I was expecting them to do something that was not their job. My emotional distress is the result of my decision to seek acceptance, peace, and security in PEOPLE instead of in GOD. It's not wrong to ask people for help; but my first response should always be to run to my CREATOR, first. Realizing He is the only One in the world Who, not only has the power to help me, but will NEVER let me down.
It's not a sad picture. Picking myself up is not an ode to desperation or abuse. It's simply one of repentance for my own lack of faith. It's really a picture of hope. I, as a child of God, have a relationship that will always supply me with everything I need.
All people relationships are a plus.
It is my responsibility to be like Jesus to others. I know I am not perfect, I know I fall flat on my face...a lot. But I, when I'm full, have the responsibility to give. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically, to those that are empty.
That is what ministry is. That is what it means to give."

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